What to know about dating an anxious introvert? Introverts come in different types. It’s safe to say not all introverts have anxiety and some do.
Anxiety is a mental health condition meanwhile introversion is a personality trait. One doesn’t always equal the other. There are people with anxiety who aren’t introverts. But could be eventually.
People with anxiety disorders tend to stay away from their triggers. If their triggers are social settings and interacting, then chances are they will stay away from these activities.
Anxiety disorder is a mental health condition that leaves a person in constant battle with their minds. Introversion is a personality trait where a person prefers their company to that of other people.
Introverts would socialize from time to time but eventually withdraw to recharge. Without recharging, they can become heavily irritated by their environment.
They can begin breaking down and often become a shadow of themselves. So ultimately, an introvert needs their alone time.
So, what happens when you’re dealing with an anxious introvert? Someone with both introverted characteristics and an anxiety disorder? It can be very tricky.
Dating an anxious introvert at first thought doesn’t seem too enticing. It is common to think that it might be a lot of work. Not just to the person dating this introvert but to the introvert themselves.
Who Is an Anxious Introvert?
An anxious introvert is someone who is usually quiet and also appears nervous. They overthink their environment and have specific triggers that could become a full-blown anxiety attack.
An anxious introvert would rarely ever want to socialize because of how anxious it makes them. If they ever have to go to a social event, they would prefer the company of someone they know and trust.
Someone they know would be there for them, if not always but most of the time. They can seem rude when talking to people but this is just a defense mechanism.
An anxious introvert always feels like they have to protect themselves from the world. Anxious introverts might not have an anxiety disorder but in most cases, they do.
Due to their fear of the outside world, they spend most of their time alone, even when they desperately need companionship. It’s a constant toggle in their minds. Letting people in and being happy or letting people in and giving them a chance to hurt you.
If you have forehand knowledge of anxiety, you’ll know how events take place in the mind. Every activity is a potential disaster and overthinking can make a person mentally exhausted.
An anxious introvert might find it difficult to step out of their comfort zone. They probably have thought about all the ways it could go wrong.
From being nervous in many situations, appearing rude and avoiding, escaping any means of social interaction, and going MIA when you least expect.
What Is It Like Dating an Anxious Introvert?
When it comes to dating, it’s no surprise the anxious introvert can find it difficult. This means they can be single for too long even when they do not want to be. They require time and sometimes patience.
They wouldn’t opt for speed dating but would appreciate social media for making it easier to talk to people. Sometimes walking up to them in person can trigger a flight or fight response.
They will not also conform to the regular dating guidelines. A fancy restaurant might seem nice in movies but an anxious introvert might just prefer a nice dinner indoors.
Sure, taking them out on formal dates often might work, but on their own terms. They would rather have quality time with you without having their anxiety triggered by the littlest things.
This might seem like a lot of work but dating an anxious introvert is not as hectic or as impossible as it sounds. They make great companions and tend to want more meaningful relationships.
Meeting people can be difficult for them and when they do, they don’t try to force a relationship. They just go with who makes them feel more at ease. Most times you don’t choose an anxious introvert. They choose you.
However, if they realize it isn’t working out, they hold up the dignity to leave. Although they might hesitate at first because they never know when next they would choose someone.
Reasons Why Anxious Introverts Might Avoid Relationships
Anxious introverts might avoid a relationship if they’ve been hurt in the past. They could have an avoidant attachment style, social anxiety or relationship anxiety.
These can all be interwoven to create one big anxiety disorder that takes over their mind and activities. Again, all introverts are different and handle things differently.
Battling anxiety as an INTJ female who doesn’t seek social validation nor need for romantic relationships, you understand that it can happen to anyone. I spend most of my time after a social interaction analyzing things I said or did.
It eventually balls up into panic and regret, making it difficult to want to socialize again. My anxiety acts up in social situations and in my very own solitude.
Sometimes it feels impossible to go through my activities with so many things on my mind, weighing me down. Over analyzing the littlest details people probably missed.
Relationship anxiety can leave you overthinking what your loved ones are doing without you. If they are having fun, they probably do not need you then. So why not quietly subtract yourselves from the equation.
The logical part of me is always there to keep me from acting up and keeping my head high. So every day, I battle between logic and anxiety.
Introverts like me with this problem and other kinds might find it difficult to be in relationships because they feel they could be a burden on the other party.
They also feel they are putting them in a spot where they would overthink and interfere with their daily lives. So isn’t being lonely better? Most times it’s not.
What To Do When Dating an Anxious Introvert
If you’re looking to dating someone who is an anxious introvert or is dating one and do not know how to go about it, these tips would help.
1. Talk
If you want to know what a person is thinking, it’s usually best to ask then assume. If you’re dating an anxious introvert, you need to know what goes on in their minds.
There’s no guarantee they would tell you immediately but this is where patience comes in. Their anxiety can be triggered by quite a number of things and sometimes that could be you.
Maybe they need more quality time, words of affirmation or physical touch. They probably haven’t disclosed this to you to avoid being too clingy. So, they just don’t.
Anxious introverts are over thinkers and your silence just helps them fill up the void with their own thoughts. So, talking to your partner who is an introvert with anxiety can go a long way.
2. Listen
At first, it might seem like an anxious introvert who happens to be your love interest isn’t interested in you. But that’s because they are being protective of themselves.
If they don’t like you, chances are they would tell you upfront. So many introverts can be direct with their emotions such as INTJ. However, when they do, it might make them confused they would rather not say anything at all.
Introverts have their own way of showing how much they care for you. Some may not be the best at words but they make up for it with actions.
So, if you’re not sure if an anxious introvert has feelings for you, notice their patterns. And when you feel you can ask the question, do. Sometimes all they need is a little patience.
3. Understand
If you’re dating an anxious introvert, you have to be understanding. If they have an anxiety disorder, they are fighting a mental health condition. Something that consumes them from time to time.
The last thing they need is someone who makes them feel guilty for that. They already have a lot on their plate. Encourage them to get help when needed. Be a shoulder to lean on.
It is usually best to do your research before attempting this. You also don’t want to act like you know more about their condition than they do. Sometimes all you need is great communication.
Help them identify their triggers and if it’s been already identified, then help them work around them.
What Else to Know
Dating an anxious introvert just requires a lot of communication and understanding. They are always fighting a war in their heads and sometimes think it’s better if they were alone.
This can lead them to push people away even when they crave social interactions or people in their space. So, preparing yourself for this would be the best way to go about it.
Their anxiety might be a result of so many factors, if you’re truly interested in dating an anxious introvert, you have to be all the way in.
