What are the signs to look out for when you’re getting attached to someone? As introverts, we spend most of our time alone. Emotional attachment isn’t something we intentionally stay weary of. However, it is something we have no problem avoiding.
Introverted personality types with a dominant Feeling function, on the other hand, are different. They are more inclined to emotional attachments than others. However, this doesn’t mean personality types with a dominant thinking function do not get emotionally attached.
To introverts, getting attached is a nightmare. This is because when they’re attached to someone, they’re more in touch with their feelings. Some introverts shy away from their emotions and ignore it, it hoping it’ll go away.
When attached, introverts become emotionally connected to the person. As such, they could start looking forward to a relationship or at least, attention from the subject of their affection.
Emotional attachment isn’t always a nightmare if it is reciprocated. However, in some cases, it usually isn’t and that can leave introverts devastated.
An introvert might find it hard to be emotionally attached to someone. This is true, especially in the case of Thinkers. They think of how it could go wrong and as such, why away from attachments.
First, we have to analyze the importance of emotional attachment.
Why Is Emotional Attachment Important?
Generally, emotional attachment helps a person feel more connected to another person. It can be influenced by the feelings they have for the said person. Therefore, having an emotional attachment to someone you’re in a relationship with is totally normal.
However, a person can be attached to someone they are no longer in a relationship with. It’s also possible to be attached to someone who isn’t interested in you. Sometimes, it can start off as a good emotional connection and end up becoming toxic.
These emotions can leave a person sad, rejected, and confused. Identifying them earlier is a good way to control and prevent further damages to one’s mental and emotional health.
Telling Signs You Are Getting Attached to Someone Wrongly
It’s normal to have feelings for someone you are attracted to. It’s okay to be attached to someone you are building a relationship with. It means that you have a partner you can be vulnerable with and share your feelings without judgment.
However, it can become problematic when you become obsessed. It is never a good idea to let your emotions control your decisions. When you no longer have a control over your emotions, it’s a recipe for disaster.
It’s important to check yourself if this attachment becomes too severe and borderline obsessive. Things are always better when done appropriately.
Here are a few telling signs you’re getting attached to someone unhealthily.
1. Your Needs Become Secondary to Theirs
You know you’re unhealthily attached to someone when you put their needs before yours. You go all out for them and they don’t do this for you. The balance of that relationship is flawed and will eventually lead to destruction.
You might need to take a step back and reevaluate everything if you find yourself doing things that were never asked of you. This is important especially if you aren’t appreciated. Compromising in relationships only works if both parties are involved.
You need to pause in situations where you’ve developed this unhealthy feeling for someone who isn’t interested. It is usually unwise to make compromises and sacrifices just to gain their attention. When you condition someone into loving you, it never ends well.
Your needs should never come secondary to someone else. Take a step back. If you notice you’re getting unhealthily attached to someone this way, run!
2. You Need to Be in Constant Communication
There is no reason to call or text someone a million times in a day. True, excellent communication is the backbone of healthy relationships. However, it’s always good to know when it becomes obsessive.
Emotional attachment can cloud the mind and make people think irrationally. For such persons, the idea of boundaries doesn’t make sense. When they don’t get their way, they become depressed, sad, lonely, and anxious.
It’s possible that you begin to focus on them and forget your priorities. Your whole world basically revolves around them. Now, you can’t get things done properly. You put everything you need to do on hold just to text and call them. Even when they clearly need some time for themselves.
In a scenario where the subject of this obsession is an introvert, it can be a complete nightmare for them. You might begin to talk too much or invade their personality space. Chances are they’ll never be interested in that relationship.
When you’re attached unhealthily, you begin to think that no one can “complete” you. When you aren’t around them, you feel incomplete. There’s no independence with you anymore and you never want to be alone.
3. You Feel Incomplete Without Them
This is a common trait amongst people who are attached to someone. It brings out the codependency in them and they suddenly never want to do anything alone. They feel betrayed when the person they’re attached to, does things without them.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to do things with someone you like. It’s a way of bonding and it generally builds the relationship. It can get a little problematic when you can’t do anything else. You suddenly don’t have a life.
It starts off small and suddenly you’ve lost your identity. People with this problem end up doing things they don’t like just to please the other person. Being unhealthily attached to someone like that can do that to you too.
4. You Spend Less Time with Family When You’re Getting Attached to Someone Else
If your family and friends aren’t important to you anymore because of an unhealthy attachment, there’s a problem. Spending less time with people who love you shows you don’t value them.
Everyone needs time away from people and this includes their partners. It gives you the chance to reflect on your actions and plan ahead for the future. This builds a healthier relationship and you don’t also lose yourself in the process.
Losing interest in people around you and your hobbies isn’t a healthy way of being attached. Being attached to someone doesn’t mean you have to always please the object of your affection.
Consistently doing things to make them happy wouldn’t make them like you more. It isn’t a healthy way to sustain any form of relationship with your friends, family, and even a romantic relationship.
5. You Never See Any Flaw in Them
Everyone has flaws and it is undeniable. However, when you never disagree with the object of your affection, then something is wrong. To you, they are always right even when they clearly aren’t.
Again, people-pleasing will drain you faster than a social event would to an introvert. You might think it’ll make them happy and like you more. However, it’s usually the opposite. They eventually ignore your feelings and opinions. This leads to disrespect.
It’s unhealthy when you find yourself continuously stalking their social media. You see who they follow, like, and whose pictures they comment on and then get consumed by jealousy. People are allowed to be themselves outside a relationship. They just have to respect you enough to make decisions on their own.
If they don’t, then you’re better off without them. So, next time tell yourself to be better when you see yourself being consumed by this obsessive behavior.
How To Manage Getting Attached to Someone
It can be difficult to overcome these feelings. However, it isn’t impossible. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been attached to a person; you can start today by working on yourself.
You can be emotionally attached to someone you are in a relationship with. These tips are here to help you manage those feelings.
1. Accept that these feelings exist.
You can’t get rid of something if you don’t believe it’s wrong for you. Accepting that this happens to the best of people also helps. Acknowledge this flaw and take control of your life.
2. Ask yourself why you like the person.
Write down reasons why you like this person. Consider their flaws. It may be hard considering you don’t see anything wrong with them. But thinking hard and true would get you the answers you require.
3. Understand the reason for your desire.
Do you want someone because you love them? Are there other reasons attached? If the latter is the answer, evaluate yourself and why you are attached to them. You might be unhealthily attached to someone in another relationship. Write down how that reflects you as a person.
4. Being productive can help when you’re getting attached to someone.
Do things that you enjoy. Hang out with your friends and family. Engage more in your hobbies and get physically productive. Working out and meditating helps you be at peace.
5. Keep a journal of your shortcomings and progress.
Don’t leave any detail out. Be true about how you feel. Sometimes you never know till you read it in your own words.
6. Talk to people you trust.
Talk about your feelings with people you know and trust. They can be of tremendous help and will help you move on.
7. Replace the old with the new.
Cultivate a new way of thinking and acting. Think a little more about yourself and everything you stand for. If they try to shut you up, don’t let them.
8. Talk to a counselor when you’re getting attached to someone else.
Consider talking to a counselor to help you realize how your action is affecting your reality. It can help you cultivate better habits to help you move forward in life.
Self-help groups can also be of tremendous help.
