As an introvert, being quiet can be a part of your life. A lot of people always consider this a problem and it can in turn make an introvert concerned about if they should be more outspoken. Growing up an introvert means I didn’t get to talk a lot. I would say I talk a lot more now as an adult because situations require me to and not necessarily because I enjoy it.
Being quiet in our society can be viewed as being stuck up amongst other things. In a world where everyone is talking, someone has to listen. But then you get hit with the most annoying question an introvert can get. “Why are you so quiet?”. A very odd question considering introverts do not go around asking why extroverts are so loud or why they talk too much. So for some reason, my quietness is making you so uncomfortable. I always assume perhaps they are wondering what goes on in my mind. However if the opportunity presents itself for me to talk, I will and that goes for most introverts.
Why Being Quiet Is Good — For Me
Being quiet works mostly because it helps me process my thoughts and environment. I do not believe in meaningless words and I would also hate to say something that I do not mean. The pressure to say something is usually not worth it. When people describe a quiet person, they never fail to mention how quiet they are. But then there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being quiet.
Growing up, I used to be hounded by family and other people around me to talk more but I always thought “and say what?”. Eventually this made me feel like I had to say something even when I had nothing to say.
What People Need To Understand About Being Quiet
Here are a few important things people need to understand.
1. Being Quiet Doesn’t Necessarily Mean I’m Shy
Yes shy people can be quiet and some quiet people are that way because they are shy. However this isn’t mutually exclusive to one another. Just because I choose to be quiet doesn’t mean I’m shy. There is no problem and if there is, I’d state it. And I’m sure this applies to a lot of introverts out there.
Growing up I used to think maybe I was this “shy” person everyone insisted I was because if more people said it, you start thinking maybe they are right. But knowing I can talk when I want to and to people I am comfortable doing so made me rethink.
2. Being Quiet Is Better Than Saying Nothing
As mentioned earlier, If everyone is talking, someone has to do the listening. So when people encourage introverts to talk even when they have nothing to say, they are encouraging meaningless conversations. And introverts tend to beat themselves up about something If they don’t mean to say it.
So next time please give an introverted friend the grace to be quiet till they have the right words. Let them not feel pressured or anxious to say something even if it means nothing at all.
3. Introverts Are Better Listeners
Trust me, you do not want someone talking over you as you pour out your heart. Sometimes you just need someone who listens and talks to you at the right time. Someone who has learned how communication works with people. Not all extroverts are great listeners and this is where an introvert comes in. Only talking when they think is necessary.
Sure I’ve learned as time went by that being quiet and having no contribution to a conversation gets old. But making people feel guilty for it is no way to go.
Things That Help Me Get Through
One of the things that helped me get through would be understanding myself and getting people around me to understand me. If you’re constantly hectored for being quiet, here are things that could be of great help.
Understanding Yourself
When I finally stopped beating myself up about being quiet and having to talk, everything became calmer. I learned to drown out the noise. I get to determine what conversations are important to me and what requires my response.
And even when I decide to stay quiet, I understand it’s for the best and I’m probably still finding my words to avoid saying something meaningless.
Appreciating Your Listening Abilities
Quite a number of people tend to hear but they don’t listen. That wasn’t the case for me. I actually understood where people were coming from. I listened to not just their words but paid attention to their body language.
For more light conversations, I enjoy the atmosphere and talk ever so often. Sure being quiet is my choice but sometimes I don’t have what to say just yet.
Understanding The Art of Compromise
Again, it can be frustrating if I kept quiet throughout a conversation so I learned filled words to nudge people on to talk while I just listen. Having people who understand me makes it all the more easier.
The art of compromise makes you understand what to give up without losing yourself and what to hold on to without losing your relationships.
Standing Up For Yourself
One way I got comfortable being quiet is constantly standing up for myself whenever people made fun of me for that or hounded me to say something. Eventually everyone around me understood and I didn’t have to worry anymore. They got the message.
Conclusion
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being quiet and no one should be hectored into talking when they are already good at listening. If you have introverted friends who are quiet, understanding that’s their process makes them a lot more relaxed. You never know they might even speak more. Constantly asking them “why are you so quiet?” Just leaves them in uncomfortable situations.
If you’re an introvert who hates being asked that question over and over, you might want to stand up for yourself too. Let people know how it makes you feel.
